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A blanket covered us. The next two or three days were mostly a blur. The funeral happened. We got there on time and dressed appropriately. Marion stayed with us, sharing the bed with Kim while Melissa and Kathleen stayed in Melissa’s room. I remember waking up on the living room couch. I remember hearing the noises of sex coming from Melissa’s room and smiling, for a moment. School had started and the girls were still home. Wednesday morning that realization hit me. I knocked on Melissa’s bedroom door. She said, ‘Come in.’ I opened the door. They were still in bed. I pulled a chair over by the bed and sat down. ‘School started yesterday. We can stay here cooped up and let our lives go down the toilet or the two of you can get up, get packed and go back to school. I don’t want you to go down the toilet. I want you to come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. While you pack I’ll take your car and get it washed, gassed and the oil changed. Be ready to load up and go when I get back.’. He then opened the nightstand drawer, pulled out a condom and tossed it at me.“If you fucking another guy is what you need to fix us, then go do it. Have fun, and when you are done and get it all out of your system come talk to me.”I was pissed at him. I just told him that it was nothing like that. I didn’t want to fuck other guys, I wanted to be with him. We just needed to fix things. Our problem was that we never communicated with each other. He had been in a series of friends with benefits relationships prior to us and I had come from a long term committed relationship. I did not know how to ask for my needs because I never really had to. He had never really had much emotional connection to the girls he was with so he did not know how to mix love with raw dirty sexy. I guess he felt like I was too good to be dirty with so he tried to keep it sweet.It was killing me though. I was so tired of the same old thing and I wanted it to be out right dirty. For as long back as I could.
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